Running on empty.

Not literally running. Let’s not get crazy. Although I did do stairs the other day and. let. me. tell. you. Yeah. I should be doing those more often thats for sure.

No. Somehow between the combo of life, kids, work, and of course writing. I have been maxed out. As in I am honestly not sure if there is any left of myself to give. Yet everyone still wants more. More work, more attention, more this, that, or whatever. There are days where I can count on one hand the moments I had alone (literally seconds count). And I’m not even someone who needs to be alone. If anything I don’t like being alone. Or didn’t.

These are also the days that I count a success if I made it through the day without falling down asleep. Or if I managed to get fully dressed, not forget anything, and get out of the door semi on time. Something that seems to happen less often than it should be.

I’m not one to set the bar low. So don’t think that it’s just some excuse or way to be lazy. It’s more the realization that occasionally you need to recharge, every so often you need to admit that you can’t do everything, sometimes you need to set your own standards based on what else you have going on, and that coffee won’t actually get you through everything. No matter how much of it you try to drink.

In the midst of this sleep deprived-caffeine fueled haze the trick is to try to still stay focused on writing. And by trick, I mean whatever crazy-ass lie you tell yourself to make the idea of taking on essentially another full-time job or extremely expensive hobby that may or may not eventually pay off… on.

It is at this point, where I think that if I thought I could stop writing completely. That I would. Trust me, I’ve tried. And for awhile I will be successful. But I always come back to it…. and even when I’m not writing. I’m thinking about writing. And the only thing worse that being in the middle of a sleep deprived-caffeine fueled haze while writing… is being in the middle of a sleep deprived-caffeine fueled haze while not writing. Or so I think.



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